What products have you been loving this month?
For weeks I have been planning on going through my closet. I had boxes and hangers full of clothes that were all from my pre-pregnancy days. It was such a horrible feeling opening my closet everyday and seeing clothes that I love and am still nowhere fitting back into. It was a daily reminder of the changes that have taken place with my body and the weight I've gained.
On Monday I finally decide to go through the endless piles of clothes. I was doing really well until I opened my skirt drawer. I immediately started to cry and it quickly turned into an emotional breakdown. After a few minutes I went into the living and sobbed in Alex's arms. The past 2 months I had been doing so well with loving my body and not having negative thoughts towards myself. But for some reason going through the clothes complete did me in.
I felt so materialistic, shallow and vain. I told Alex that I knew I had a pretty face, and how awful I felt for thinking that. But for some reason I felt like my face and my body don't match. I think that when people look at Alex and I they think to themselves: "Poor guy. How did such a good looking, fit guy end up with a whale?!" I have never felt uncomfortable around Alex and I am so grateful for that. I know that he thinks I'm beautiful no matter what, and in his eyes I'm more beautiful now than I was when we first met (even though I am 50 pounds heavier). The thing that has been hard for me is that I don't like how I feel about myself. I hate feeling this way.
After spilling all these thoughts and more on Alex he quietly said: "If these clothes are bothering you so much, don't even look at them, just put them in a bag and get rid of them." It was such a relief to hear those words. I originally planned on keeping quite a bit as a "just in case I loose the weight" kind of thing. I didn't want to have to spend money on a new wardrobe if I ended up going back to my previous size. He continued by saying that if I did loose weight we can get me new things, that I shouldn't hang on to things that are making me miserable just to save money.
Over the years, all of my church friends (except for Elise), have moved for school and got married. It's been so hard for me to have physical distance from people I love so much. And unfortunately because of the distance, I've lost touch with almost all of them. Except for Laura. We've known each other for almost 14 years and even though we aren't the best at staying connected, her and her husband always make sure to come over when they are in town visiting family. I love that even though we go for long periods without talking, we are still able to act like nothing has changed. Even though everything pretty much has. It was so much meeting each other's babies and having a nice visit.
In a story that blends realism with dreamlike imagery and echoes of myth, Finn is the only witness to the kidnapping of 19-year-old Roza. However, his vague description of the man who took her leaves just about everyone in the small town of Bone Gap-including his older brother, Sean, who is in love with Roza-without much faith in his story. Through a complex interweaving of chapters, mostly told from Finn and Roza's points of view, Laura Ruby slowly reveals that what actually happened to the beautiful Polish immigrant is more complicated than Finn even knew, and that his own disability will make it difficult for him to find her. Ruby raises incisive questions about feminine beauty, identity, and power in a story full of subtle magic that is not compelled to provide concrete explanations. A haunting and inventive work that subverts expectations at every turn.
I have a couple issues with this book. Firstly the first 60 pages were slow and hard to get into. I wasn't grabbed right off the bat, and I found it to be a little confusing. Secondly, the ending was just kind of "meh". I felt there were questions that needed to be answered and I was still confused by a few things. But funnily enough, I did enjoy reading it. Once I passed the first 60 pages, I couldn't put it down. I loved that every chapter changed which character it focused on. It wasn't written in first person, but it did change which character the story was being told through. It's not one of those books that I would necessarily recommend. It's a book that I really have a hard time categorizing. It has a mixture of fantasy, mystery, thriller, realism, romance (only a touch though), and drama. I would definitely read more reviews before reading it, simply because it's hard for me describe how I feel about it. This book really has me confused, even now that I am done reading it ;)
Ever since he was born, Calvin has been such an angel when we wakes up in the morning. Every morning I wake up to the sound of him talking to himself in his crib. I pretty much lay in bed for about 20 minutes just listening to him while I slowly wake myself up.
The first couple hours that follow are definitely my favourite part of the day. After I feed him breakfast, we both stay in our pjs and play with his toys while listening to music. He's getting more and more playful and interactive. Looking at these pictures, I see less and less "baby" in him, and more toddler. It's crazy that once a baby starts moving around, the change overnight almost! There is nothing more sweet than watching your child grow and learn in front of your very eyes.
Every time we go out for a walk I am reminded of how much I love our neighbourhood. There are at least 5 schools and 8 parks within a 10 minute walk from our apartment, we live right on the Ottawa river, and the neighbourhood is full of young families!
Not only do I love this time of year because of the weather, but I love having the windows open and hearing children playing. There is something so sweet about hearing young, enthusiastic voices that are full of imagination. This time of year always reminds me of when I was in elementary school. The last 2-3 months of school were always my favourite. I loved how the light nights allowed me to stay outside as long as I could with friends. My dad would get our bikes out, put up our basketball net and fill our garage with outdoor toys. I was always excited with the anticipation of summer holidays being right around the corner.
Even though I am no longer in school (or a child for that matter), I feel the same way right now. We are in the middle of planning summer vacations, we're able to go for family walks right before Calvin's bedtime, and Alex is so close to finishing school (only 3 more exams!!). The excitement is killing us!
Then last Wednesday I nursed him for the last time. It wasn't planned, but the following night Alex rocked him when he woke up due to teething pain. Ever since then I haven't needed to nurse him at night. We just pop his soother back in and he stays asleep. I guess he was ready just as much as I was.
I've heard and read a few experiences where moms found the weaning process really hard. I was scared of the day Calvin would no longer need to breastfeed, but I was really surprised at how much we were both ready to be done. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved breastfeeding, just the last couple months have been hit and miss with his biting.
It was such a beautiful experience to watch him grow and thrive on something that came directly from me. And I am so grateful I was able to breastfeed until my goal of 12 months. But it was time.
After months (and I mean months) of being away from Youtube, I've decided to take the plunge, and start making videos again. I'm going to try and make it a more regular thing, so if you have any suggestions for videos, please leave a comment below!
I loved that is wasn't a stereotypical love story. All in all there was very little "romance" throughout the novel, but to be honest that's what I liked about it. It focused more on characters and relationship development instead of throwing you right into a romance that has unrealistic timelines.
Take a look at the trailer. You will not be disappointed!!
I highly recommend this book. I really enjoyed it and have already ordered the sequel from the library!!
Since Calvin's birthday was this past week we threw him a little birthday party on Saturday. It was a little hectic with everyone in our little apartment, but I really wanted to have his party in our home. get ready for a very long post filled with a ton of photos!!
I got the idea for the theme when I bought some baby leggings that had paper airplanes all over them. I just thought they were too dang cute and immediately began thinking of a birthday party theme to match. Luckily Pinterest had a couple cute ideas that I decided to put together. So we went with a "Time Flies" theme. I didn't want the decorations to be too fussy, rather something simple and easy.
Adam and Alicia were able to come down from Toronto for the weekend, so all of my side of the family were able to be there. We also Facetimed my in-laws for a bit so they could see Calvin eat his cake and open his gifts.We kept it just to family, quiet and nice.